Even a vulture didn’t fancy a taste of Sevco

In the period running up to their AGM, the Sevco High Command have been rather busy.

Not only did they have to get the year end accounts signed off by their auditors Campbell Dallas, but they have also been desperately seeking external finance.

I understand that they have, and not for the first time, gone round the various financial institutions in the Square Mile who provide ‘distressed finance.’

They’re also known as ‘Vulture Funds.’

General Ashley has been doing his utmost to hinder the efforts of his opponents.

Indeed, they often found that he had gotten there before them as they searched for external finance.

Like a cunning Saracen, he had poisoned the credit waterholes in the desert as the Knights of Sevco stumbled forwards in the hope of deliverance.

Recently there was the hope that the Sported Direct supremo had missed on out one source of life-saving liquidity.

A US-based Vulture Fund arrived on the Square Mile.

What these charitable chaps do is to offer lifesaving loans to distressed companies and then work with them to turn around the business.

They do this because in lending the money they take a major chunk of the equity.

If the business survives, then the Vulture Fund have got their money back many times over and own a slice of a profitable business.

This particular outfit is new to the UK market, and they haven’t done any business with Big Mike.

Consequently, he couldn’t call in any favours.

Initially, these Wall Street explorers were willing to look afresh at this soccer ball club from Scotland.

Advantage Sevco.

However, when they looked under the hood, they told the chap from the Sevco High Command the bad news.

Essentially the cure would have killed the corporate patient.

The Ibrox business, these savvy Yanks told them, was assailed from various angles.

Had the Americans bought into it  though it would have resembled an administration, with savage austerity being implemented by the Stateside lenders.

So, dear reader, it would appear that only The People will swallow the idea that investing in the Holding Company Vehicle is worthwhile.

Even vultures won’t stomach that one!

41 thoughts on “Even a vulture didn’t fancy a taste of Sevco

  1. bennybhoy

    It’s official. Mark Warburton talks pish as well. Rangers are the biggest club in Scotland. Oh well that’s us told. Everybody listen Dave King has spoken FFS

  2. budbhoy

    Heard on Snyde last night a Sevconian phoning in regarding who Deadco would buy in the January window and he actually said well at least we have Joey Barton’s money to spend now! Worse, none of the so-called pundits even challenged it. Mwaaaaaaaaaah what planet are these delusional “peepil” living on.


      1. Ayahuasca

        By third time around, dream weavers need much more effort to keep spinning that same thinning yarn around the eyes of the hoodwinked.

        Their shepherd has begun the fleecing.

  3. Pat Nevins' Barnet

    Well done ‘Squinty’ – only managed to mention Celtic the once..

    And Joey Barton was ‘an inconvenient expense without meaningful contribution on the pitch’ but I doubt the drooling sevconites will have hot that!

    “Rangers should not try to survive through risky loans and financial over stretching ” —“but we will do anyway”

    Apparently Mr King believes that it is not appropriate or fair that a significant number of shareholders are purely investors rather than fans and that ALL Shareholders MUST be supporters . Yet .. He insists that board members don’t have to meet the same criteria!!


    Oh! And the bombshell at the end…

    ” we are well enough equipped to achieve our next step of qualification to Europe , then we will look at investing in players”

    ( I thought being number 1 in Scotland was prime directive )


    Read as … ” sorry Sevco fans.. I left the inheritance at home and travelled hand luggage only”. ” now a word or two from Mark”

    Oh dear! There’s no money!
    What s surprise.

  4. peter

    DK: always scope for a Leicester when a club out performs its financial limits. Celtic did this in past when outspent by rangers #RangersAGM

    They do not get it the Sevco fans, English EPL teams can attract big players because of the wages they can offer. You can have a team of superstars playing for a so called diddy team name, Liecester did not outdo anyone they have a team worth millions look at what they have done in Europe first time of asking unbeaten.FFS.Would be a major achievent if the team was a team of nobodies and romped the title this will not happen for Sevco they will attempt to spend not recruit from within therefore they will be competing with lower SPL for Europe.They could not win a championship when they performed without constraints paying fortunes to get pumped by Asda workers etc.Always gullible.

  5. Trotsky's Tortoise

    The Sevco AGM, what did it uncover for the tributeers, the grand total of feck all. They’re still skint, and are willing to go all the way with Despicable Ashley, GASL is still stringing them along and incredibly they’re stull th peepullll. For the huns who frequent here, a wee question, are you all so fucking thick that you can’t see that those ahem vanguards of the new club are con men? WTF is wrong with you’s?

    PS:for the tributeers who are using sexual abuse as a way to attack CFC fans commenting on the AGM on Twitter, you’re vile and bring nothing but shame on yourselves.

    1. michaelcraven1

      I did and thanks,you were right,I did find it most amusing.Ordinarly,I wouldn’t visit their pages,but I like a good laugh.Thanks for the heads-up.

      No need to look any further to see where their deluded fans get their elevated sense of entitlement and grandeur.

      Auchenhowie=luxury spa.

      And ibrokes=5*hotel,where they eat dinner from the floor,or they could if they chose to.


  6. Voltaire

    There was 6 Toyota Land Cruisers parked outside Ibrox with UAE number plates on them this week. My sources tell me these belong to a consortium with wealth beyond belief. I am hoping at today’s AGM they’ll an announcement of major injection of cash perhaps £100m for starters.

  7. Stevo

    Brilliant work Phil, the shambles was going a bit stale for a while but this is starting to look quite delicious again. I can’t help but enjoy in their collective pain/ delusion. It’s nothing personal.

    Can’t wait for your next book. You may need the work of Angela again just to condense this saga to a single book. Maybe you should be thinking about a series? Sitcom?

    I am a regular reader from the other side of the world. Not contributing funds nearly as often as I should given my appreciation of your efforts, so $ coming your way.

  8. Avid Reader (@6019Kilo)

    The story in the link following, argues, Trinity Mirror (publisher of the Daily Record) has no right to own newspapers because it broke so many national and international codes of practice and/or guidelines on journalism and its board should resign. https://www.theguardian.com/media/greenslade/2016/nov/24/trinity-mirrors-chiefs-should-resign-for-failing-to-protect-a-source

    More about the Daily Record: “Journalists at the Daily Record and Sunday Mail have announced their intention to ballot for industrial action after publisher Trinity Mirror announced plans to merge the two titles.” http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/journalists-plan-strike-ballot-over-job-losses-at-daily-record-and-sunday-mail/,
    Wonder which way our favourite “journalists” there will vote on that? Can the end be nigh? Do we care?

  9. michaelcraven1

    Again Phil you bring the facts,many thanks.

    The fall-out from tomorrow’s AGM will be a sight to behold,that’s if the AGM reaches conclusion and there ins’t sporadic battles breaking out during it.Well,Manchester and Barcelona have seen their work at firsthand.

    After their visit to Barcelona,the year before we played Barca in the UEFA cup,2010? maybe,I spoke with a policeman on duty at the ticket booths they have at the Camp Nou.He told me that due to the mindless violence,destruction and generally dreadful behaviour of ‘the shames fans’ there had been a change to the laws regarding football fans.He further explained that now ALL fans are no longer allowed to gather in groups of three or four at any one time,even at the ticket booths!!

    He told me that they showed no respect for anything,urinating in the street,defacing monuments/statues of Catalan heros,streetfighting and thieving from shops etc etc.That was enough for them to rush through city by-laws changes to enable greater powers for the police in controlling away fans.

    In comparison,just let’s try anyway,my first Euro away trip to Milan,it was when Kaka appeared
    on a balcony overlooking the square at the Dumo,the year he won the UEFA player of the year.
    The square was mobbed,approx. 3 or 4 thousand Hoops fans,noisy singing,but well behaved.Well I was very pleasantly surprised to see the groups of Celtic fans,bagging their empties into bin-liners.In fact I felt proud to see it,and it didn’t go unnoticed by the police,who were parked every ten yards or so around the square.Some even tapping their feet to the beat of The Artur Boruc,the holy goalie song.

    Phil,my most sincere thanks for continuing this great work,we All,even the shame,are in your debt.If only some of their smarter fans had taken you at your word they wouldn’t be in such a shambles.

    But it has been comedy gold,and for me,educational.Please keep on wae those fancy words my vocabulary is ever improving thanks to you.And ye can be very comical,and that is a helluva weapon/skill being able to make people laugh.Even just for a short time,to soothe them just for a short while and maybe they even forget their troubles temporarily.


  10. Aquinas

    Dave Murray’s football monopoly in Scotland has arrived, but not quite what he expected.
    The day his share issue failed was the day they realised they weren’t ‘just like Celtic’ or better than, they realised Hugh Adam was correct that they were a West of Scotland provincial club with no loyal fan base beyond that of any substance.
    Yet the press hailed him as a King, when he used more Bank money to bail the Peepils failure to save The Big House, now the new King is setting up another share issue with massively less hope of making ‘one thin dime’
    King either is dumb, looking to launder cash or both, either way Sevco fans should remember his two accounts of his Father’s attitude to taking him to ‘see Rangers’ his attempt to sue Rangers heading for Administration and his quote saying he will always look after himself first even where Rangers are involved.
    Sevco, the day is coming when you won’t make the top six, then another slide will come.
    Hail Hail.

  11. John hughes

    If even the financial vultures turn their noses up at the ailing four year old holding company then I believe they will soon share the fate of the dessicated, but dignified, carcass of the Oldco club.
    This unseemly scrabbling around for accessible funds is most undignified and ill befitting the self appointed successors to the mantle of the world’s most bigoted club.
    Feel good factor available tomorrow however for the most discerning of the Sevcostriches as the annual wool over the eyes jamboree takes place at the AGM.
    Big Mike in his place, warchest creaking open, share options, debts to equity, timmy on the run, Garner’s better than Moussa yadda, yadda, yadda.
    The self delusion and gullibility of the People, desperate to believe anything positive, is genuinely tragic and side splittingly hilarious in turn.
    I would wager that Dave King will be conspicuous by his absence at tomorrow’s AGM. Pensions to plunder, orphans to fleece, money to launder. It’s a hard life. Eh Dave ?

  12. The Beekeeper

    I remember watching a Parkinson show a while back when Rod Stewart was the Guest, long before the hun implosion and Parky asked Rod why as he is a big football fan and as he has plenty of money, why he does not buy a football club, Rods reply was, Yes I have lots of money but if I bought a football club I soon would not have lots of money,
    Thats says a lot about the way Celtic are run and the wonderful job Peter Lawell and the Celtic board do But above all its says more about the sevco problem of getting investment of any kind by any investor, whatsoever, except for the blind supporter who will cough up his hard earned cash, and lets face it they will because they have nothing else left, their world is collapsing slowly around them, they have nowhere else to go, they will believe what they are told because they have to, they have no choice.
    Poor sods

    Hail Hail
    The future is bright
    The future is Green and White

    1. Nick Mccall

      errr….. jaybee:

      even an ethereal entity / holding company / engine room subsidiary can only be liquidated (killed) ONCE – rangers (1872) died – rip

      it would seem that now SMELLS LIKE A DUCK FC (currently playing out of ibrokes) might have their jacket on a shoogly peg….. awfy shame that

      and THAT is all…..

  13. Tom theTim (@thomthethim)

    The Sevconians believe what they are told and what they read in the SMSM because they can’t afford not to.
    The Appaling Vista is a concept beyond their comprehension.
    They have been a protected species since their original inception.

    1. sligojoe


      “The appaling vista is a concept beyond their comprehension”?

      All they have to do is think back to 2012.

      It’s really more a case of history repeating itself.

  14. History Tells

    The sickness was in the conception of the bastard runt and will eventually consume it.

    Like the snake swallowing its own tail, their self-consumption, and consumation, begins in blinded ignorance tomorrow.

    They think that they’re saving their ‘club’ with the Club 1690 money but all they’re doing is killing it, by handing it all to a chancer, a bully and a thug. And Dave King.

    Wouldn’t it be great to see one of The Peepil come on here just once and say ‘Cheers, Phil, you were right, that lying fucker King really is just out to rob us’ ..?

    Why won’t they do that? Is it because they can’t admit they’re wrong?

    Surely their collective Super Ego is not so fragile as to accept that they were fooled by a slithery tongued mendacious criminal who has turned robbing the vulnerable into his lifetime’s speciality and that this man’s misdeeds happened to be investigated by a Glasgow Irish ‘Fenian’ who simply told the truth of it?

    Surely no one is as willingly stupid, and bigoted, as that, in today’s progressive, and highly intuitive, society ..?

    Surely, if someone told you to trust a man who ought to be in jail for racketeering, you, or any sensible person like you, would run a country mile and more to keep your wallet from his clutches?

    I must admit though, it really is beyond hilarious watching them and their increasingly lunatic antics in trying to wriggle themselves out of this big black hole that they’re slowly falling further down and into.

    They could probably charge quite good money to let folk watch these crazy antics, if Phil hadn’t got there first.

    1. peter

      They will not thank anyone for the info and will not accept it as fact, the mindset is WATP even if they knew a truth or something told from someone who is not one of them they will not listen.For King it is like stepping up to a one arm bandit that contiually pays out regardless of the combinations of fruits, usually orandge orange orange, unless the one arm bandit breaks or is broke it will keep paying out.
      This is hilarious forever they will be in limbo as no-one will break ranks and confront the daylight.

      1. History Tells

        Rhetorical statements, all, Peter, I grew up amongst them and know their blinded mentality very well, but thanks for your observations.

        I like the ‘deranged limbo’ picture you paint in your last line.

        And all because you can never deny a ‘brother’ in need, eh ..?

  15. sixtaeseven

    Great read again Phil. Keep up the good work.l
    Can’t be much left on the carcass now if even the birds of prey can’t fink any pickings.

    Do you know if their accounts were eventually signed off ?
    I would imagine that not many reputable auditors would go near their books.


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