Ibrox apocalypse

I recently likened the current Rangers debacle to a movie script.

I said that the director had decided to speed up the action.


As often with throwaway remarks you can stumble upon something useful.

There is definitely a film in the situation that has unfolded for the Ibrox club since February.

Regular readers here will know that I was not taken a back by Rangers going into administration.

Some of the twists in the plot have been unexpected, but the basic course of HMS Dignity has not altered.

When I made the movie quip I was writing for a Spanish publication, therefore I threw in a reference to Pedro Almodóvar.

However, given this is a Caledonian epic it would have to be directed by Mel Gibson.

You may, dear reader, think that I am giving the job to the Aussie because of his brave hearted assault on Scottish history.

If you have made that assumption then you are wrong.

Rather, I was thinking of his examination of the circumstances that caused the Mayan civilisation to be liquidated.

His dark masterpiece Apocalypto is what gets him the gig.

For the uninitiated Gibson’s 2006 movie is highly recommended and works wonderfully well on various levels.

There are themes that work for everyone from the erudite movie connoisseur to the Rangers supporter.

As in Braveheart people have blue paint daubed on their skin, but the reason for this adornment in Apocalypto is much more germane to current situation at Ibrox.

Lucky winners in the lottery of Mayan life are daubed in the Rangers home colours before having their heart ripped out for public spectacle.

Some denizens of Ibrox might be able to empathise with that situation.

This macabre ritual is part of Mayan sun worship.

They think this barbarity will appease their deities the poor dears.

Standing at the top of steep steps the holy man gibbers nonsense and the confused, fearful adoring crowd lap it up.

They are desperate to believe and out of their minds with worry.

They are simultaneously vulnerable and vicious.

If Mel wants to remake this epic in Scotland I think I know of a great location in Mount Florida.

However, we would have to shoot that scene when the building was empty, but I think that’s been done before.


Fooling the mob in order to control them has an important place in human history.

Agriculture created settled living and this in turn produced large cities.

In these great conurbations the mob emerged for the first time.

As civilization developed it was not only livestock that had to be herded.

A central part of the Rangers saga now is how to control and harness the rabble that wrecked Manchester.

They Ibrox mob need to continue to believe and, crucially, to stump up.

Their season ticket cash is vital for cash flow and when the CVA fails and the venture goes into the New Co phase, the lucky things will be offered a share issue opportunity.

At the very beginning of Apocalypto a quote is put up on the screen from philosopher Will Durant:

 “A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within”.

It is a less than gentle hint from Gibson that what we are about to watch is self-inflicted.

At the end of the movie the Spanish turn up with all types of assorted goodies, like steel swords, bibles and, most killing of all, germs.

To borrow a term from social anthropology from then on in the Mayans are well fucked.

We should not mourn their demise for this was no land of saints and scholars.

This Mesoamerican polity attacked their hunter gather neighbours, abducted them and murdered them in   human sacrifice rituals.

The great cities are built using a method of construction that poisons the land.

When the crops inevitably fail the superstitious clowns decide that they aren’t offering up enough of their ecologically sound forest dwelling neighbours to a sociopathic deity that doesn’t exist.

The good guys in the movie escape finally their clutches and withdraw to the forest which gave birth to them

In 2012, the last in the Mayan calendar, we see another “civilisation” coming to an end.


Rangers fans are not Mesoamericans, but they think that they represented a higher social order in this part of the world.

They don’t.

I don’t see what is attractive about being the trailer trash of a dead empire.

When the Spanish turned up on the Yucatan peninsula at the start of the 16th century they were one of the four major powers that built three masted sailing ships.

The English were in that European quartet.

Now it is reasonable to discuss a 20th century were Britain effectively doesn’t have blue water navy of any size or import.

The bigoted shipyards on the Clyde and Laggan that did much to nurture the Rangers sub culture  a century ago are  a tiny industrial theme parks where once there was a rain forest of cranes

The process is called history.

The Mayan’s demise was constructed by their own actions and crucially through their own hubris.

The green half of Glasgow will enjoy a popcorn summer for entirely those reasons.

One of the most delicious things about all of this is that these apocalyptic events were created within Ibrox over many years.

It was not the victims of the Rangers belief system who plotted and orchestrated this dramatic downfall.

The custodians of Scotland’s establishment club, in order to appease the craziness of the mob, undertook a course of action that has led to this.

This collapse is a wonderful spectacle and should be captured on film for future generations to enjoy.

For the good guys in Glasgow this will be time to search out a new beginning.

One without Rangers.

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