Scouting for headlines

I understand that at a recent conclave of the Sevco High Command the recruitment policy of the Holding Company Vehicle was scrutinised.

I’m glad to relate that the head of the vast scouting department had an answer to every probing question put to them.

It would appear that the debacle of the summer signing policy can be laid firmly at the door of the Sevco High Command themselves.

The initial plan seemed reasonable enough:

Source young players in the lower leagues of England who could be developed at the place that used to be called Murray Park.

Ideally, these players would be available without the unnecessary expense of a transfer fee.

Then the expert tutelage from the Admirable Warburton combined with a World Class Breakfast could produce value.

The Accrington Stanley duo of Matt Crooks and Josh Windass, both 22, both fitted the bill perfectly.

Young, free and decent enough players for the Engine Room Subsidiary.

Clearly not at a level for, say, Aberdeen or Celtic, but good enough for Sevco.

However, there were some in the Sevco High Command that thought that plucking players from a club in League 2 was rather unbecoming for a four-year-old institution.

Consequent, the vast Sevco scouting infrastructure was told to source players from clubs in English Premier League.

This explains the why the Engine Room Subsidiary decided to SWOOP for Joe Dodoo and  Jordan Rossiter these wunderkinds were with Leicester City and Liverpool respectively.

Now the optics of this were excellent.

A promising youngster signed from the surprise EPL winners and the young midfielder who had been nurtured at Anfield.

However, the reality is that Sevco would have been better off to stick to scouring the lower leagues for available and affordable talent.

Instead, they went for headlines about Rangers (sic) grabbing the next Steven Gerrard from under the noses of the Anfield chaps.


Sad to relate, The People fell for it.

They tend to be rather credulous on matters Ibrox.

I think it is fair to say that Mr Dodoo has not had a huge impact on the fortunes of the Engine Room Subsidiary.

Sadly the Rossiter lad has some ongoing medical issue; this is in the public domain.

I understand that his chronic condition needs careful monitoring with regular scans or some such.

Moreover, I’m told that these procedures are expensive.

However, I’m sure that young Rossiter is getting the necessary examinations timeously no matter the cost.

Dear reader,  this is what you get when the folks running the show are more concerned with gushing back pages and generating a feel-good vibe during the season ticket period than sourcing immediately useful players.

36 thoughts on “Scouting for headlines

  1. AntonDeclan

    “…at the place that used to be called Murray Park”. I love the continuous use of this phrase – simple but effective and gets a great point across. We should all use it rather than the re-named version, which appears to be an attempt to wipe certain things from history / our minds!
    Many congratulations on well deserved award too.

  2. Vengie's Sweet

    Online downgrade for the Daily Rancid, it looks like click bait, (rather than Mick bait), and will no doubt lose a whole bunch of ‘readers’ in the wake of it.

    Good riddance, ya bigots. Watch yer erchie on the wey oot.

    Phil’s words of truth have eviscerated you and now you know the tide has turned and your reputation is below even the level of a good hard kick or two.

    But I’ll give you it anyway.

    To Murray The Foote, Jabba The Hut, Davey The Liar & Murray The ‘Doo …

    Nae luck, tadgers!

    The scam is over, the good guys won.

  3. hahaha

    Just a thought Phil, have you considered how you may have inadvertently boosted the stock of another “award winning” journalist?
    I can imagine the meeting with his editor “Listen Boss, the provider of my material has just won Best International Football Blog as voted by the public, and his readers love his truthful, accurate work. All my “exclusives” come directly from his brilliance, surely this underlines my importance to our toilet roll…….Please”?

  4. pieinthesky

    Well done Phil on your award
    Sevco fans keep talking about their underperforming team,but let’s be honest this is their level.
    Maybe some good advice to DCK he should watch the Fred Flintstone ad and change his bank,as the old bank (BOS) stopped giving them money (some nerve) Good reason to change,and best of all £100 pounds for changing.
    Let’s hope for his sake,nobody says they have no credit line from a bank.

  5. AntonDeclan

    “…at the place that used to be called Murray Park”. I love the continuous use of this phrase – simple but effective and gets a great point across. We should all use it rather than the re-named version, which appears to be an attempt to wipe certain things from history / our minds!
    Many congratulations on well deserved award too.

  6. DannyMac23

    Congratulations Phil,The award is not just well deserved but indicative of the gratitude of the fans of the fine work you do and the lengths you go to bring us the truth.

    Thanking you

  7. jc

    They must look over to the east at some of the players that have been sourced for say £500,000, and before Christmas are being sold by the press for 10 million and think, Bastards!

    Welcome to the Celtic shadow, get used to it Lads it here to stay.

    Well done on the award Phil,

    Oh one other thing, Lizzy fix your own fecking hoose!

  8. wolfie bhoy

    Thank goodness they are the people, good luck to them, they are up buttock brown avenue, and deservedly so,your the Man Phil,you and the clumpany and the rest of the bhoys are a saving grace ,from the absolute garbage that gets churned out by the small,HH.

  9. Johnbhoy57

    Congratulations Phil a richly deserved award, meanwhile here in Scotland we have Keith and his cohorts passing around the sport journalist of the year award between themselves. You get threatened for telling the truth while Keith and friends pick up wages and awards for spreading Traynor propaganda. When it all happens again they will have neck to tell the nation ‘ you heard it first here in the ( insert a rag name). Ah well we live in land of free press.

  10. SucculentLambStinks

    Congrats Phil on both awards. The other is for
    Scotlands Most Informative And Most Truthful Journalist To be fair you were the only credible entrant for said 2nd award.
    Take a bow sir.

  11. There is NO Old Firm

    Wish young Rossiter well and a full recovery over his health issues.
    As for the rest…..I think they have reached a point where you have to ask is there really any point to them continuing? Every day we seem to hear and see more and more stories of unrest in the squad, players falling out with each other and the manager, difficulties between the management and directors, differences between the directors on how best to operate the business.
    Players being hauled in front of TV cameras to spout (expensively) scripted shite about opponents and games etc. which absolutely no one outside of Zombrox takes seriously, and I suspect, many Zombies must listen and read and think “For God’s sake, shut up”.
    They are now, a complete and utter joke outfit. Totally irrelevant in a football sense where it’s almost certain that no player currently employed there is likely to still be in the game in 5yrs time. That’s how little they mean to the game. It appears there are some successful, professional business men in the boardroom who perhaps, now wish they weren’t.
    As for the manager, he has now reached the worst possible position a manager can reach. There is only one situation a manager can find himself in which is worse than your own fans calling for your head or the dreaded “backing of the Chairman”. That position is when all opposition fans WANT YOU TO STAY!! The manager is definitely in that place now.
    Like many, I’m conflicted by “do I want them dead or do I want this pathetic yet hysterical comedy to continue”?
    As for their media exploits and club statements…hee hee hee! Makes Trump sound like a meeting between Einstein and Stephen Hawking.

  12. Jackie Robinson

    The transfer window, or the six monthly dumpster dive, as it’s known down Govan way will be interesting this coming January. Looking for some signs of intent from the powers that be at the home of the Scottish champions well ahead of the CL qualifiers.

  13. angel raphael

    yes Phill absolutely brilliant that you have received some form of recoqnition for all the info you have brought to all of us real football supporters who really care about the game here in the great wee country, together we will win over the lies and injustices caused more than most by SIR DAVID MURRAY.
    bye the bye, WELL done again.

  14. tarboltontim

    Congratulations on the deserved award, Phil, you are a hit with the fans.
    Is there any evidence that the scouting party told the truth when being scrutinized by the powers that be?

  15. tomminogue01491

    Congratulations on your well earned award. Keep tweeting it prominently it seems to be irking some of the stenographers.

  16. michaelcraven1

    Again Phil,
    Prolific these days,and many thanks for all this TRUTH,we Celtic fans thrive on the truth.No ostrich-like behaviour for us.Personally I’d take the articles you report on over the s***e the Scots Media doles out,every time.They,alongside the sfa are NOT fit for purpose.

    And you also have to be commended on your knocking back these evil adverts,they are the work of Auld Nick himself.Truely despicable.BRAVO.HH

  17. Kwaj

    Ha ha ha ha ha chortle, guffaw, snarf, my belly aches so much I have developed a stunning six pack.

    Congratulations on your award very well earned. I wonder if Mr off the radar has coveted any awards. I am racking my brain to come up with a suitable category, eureka. The category is regurgitated pish.

  18. John Collins

    Another great read as always Phil ..a love sevco scouting policy they recruit shite on the cheap expecting quality yes they get Qualiy Shite dead beat club with no credit line ☠️☠️☠️⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️ Armageddon come to a Hunn club soon

  19. Johnny

    combined with a World Class Breakfast could produce value. Hahaha worthy of an award itself, 🙂 well done again Phil


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