This week on Planet Fitba expect to see the rather unpleasant sight of aroused hacks.
Since last November they have found it difficult to think of anything else, but the League Cup semi-final a week from now.
I wrote at the time of the draw in November that I found their excitement utterly nauseating.
Despite Aberdeen being a power in the land once more and Tannadice producing home grown quality the only story is the “Old Firm”.
If we unpack that term and what it really means for the hacks then it is about the team that plays at Ibrox.
Today the Sunday Herald newspaper ran with a crowd funded advert from a group of concerned Celtic fans.
The same club mantra is now an article of faith for anyone who wishes to work within the Scottish sports media.
They all know of the treatment that was meted out to Jim Spence of the BBC.
His ‘crime’ was to merely point out on live radio that some people were of the opinion that Rangers (1872) had “died”.
After Spencey had erred by accuracy it was safer to be a Liquidation Denier
On Friday 16th of this month we heard The People fondly remembering their favourite Fascist.
The upper case in the political description is deliberate and apposite.
Billy Fullerton was a member of the British Union of Fascists rather than just a wee bit right of centre.
He also established a branch of the Ku Klux Klan in Glasgow, but it is his eponymous razor gang that is his main claim to infamy.
When the Billy Boys sang of being up to their knees in Fenian blood they really meant it.
That song is not just an offensive cultural artefact from a misremembered historical era, but it can be the warm up music for the next Jason Campbell.
It is now three years in Rangers’ Mayan moment and in that time the klan has been able to add victimhood and vengeance to their supremacist mind-set.
Before the abandoned match against Hearts there were several attempts to get into the main door at Ibrox.
Thankfully the police repelled the repulsive.
Immediately after the match was called off some fine chaps entered the foyer of the administrative centre Argyle House.
Apparently during that incursion two members of staff were assaulted, one of them an elderly gentleman and the other a female.
Now the hacks and the blazers have the fixture that they have been craving.
Three years ago the people on the Sixth floor at Hampden tried to get the new club dropped into the top flight.
When they were thwarted by the Scottish Spring they sought a Plan ‘B’ with Sevco being placed in League 1 of the Scottish Football League.
They thought the ‘diddy clubs’ would be push overs.
However they did not factor in the fact that these community clubs were actually often led by people of integrity.
Oh and Turnbull Hutton.
They didn’t plan for the man from Kirkcaldy.
They really didn’t.
Now Sevco are in the second tier of Scottish football on sporting merit.
All that supporters of every other club in the country wanted was that the national game be demonstrably straight and fair.
The EBT decade proved to them that one club indulged in financial doping and, according the HMRC, tax evasion.
This required Rangers to conceal side letters from the SFA about how the players were being paid.
By this time next week I fear that the emergency services will be at full stretch to cope with the aftermath of this magical fixture that has the hacks all excited.
The stenographers will, of course, stretch and bend the evidence after the fact to suit the paradigm that they inhabit.
It is an article of faith for the stenographers that ‘one side is as bad as the other’.
This is used to conceal the truth that a soccer sociopath in Glasgow usually wears Ibrox branded apparel.
Moreover this Orwellian lie has even infected the body politic the Offensive Behaviour at Football and Threatening Communications (Scotland) Act 2012 has sought to create a false equivalence by criminalising political expressions of Irishness.
Despite this North Korean consensus in official Scotland the facts on the ground paint a different picture.
Publicly predicting the outcome of football matches is a risky business and experienced pundits regularly have omelettes on their faces.
Those emotionally committed chaps in the bookmaking business have Celtic as strong favourites in this inaugural meeting between the two clubs.
What is a much safer bet is that the emergency services will have their business night in three years.
The cruel irony is that these public bodies were stiffed by Rangers in 2012 when the Ibrox club died.
The main reason for this upsurge in demand for hospital beds and police cells will be, in the main, down to the efforts of supporters of the team in light blue playing a club established in 1888 for the first time.
This impending carnage is what the hacks are all excited about.