The incubator

Professor Struth had waited a long time for this day.

“They laughed at me in the institute. Laughed at me.  AT ME!!!!!”

Now it was time and soon the world would know their folly in underestimating his genius.

He had, ahem, acquired the sperm of a criminally insane murderer doing a life sentence.

His decision to use a ten thousand pound gorilla as mother was inspired.

Struth was convinced that these two were close enough to breed and he was correct.

Once impregnated it just sat in the corner and didn’t say much, but he was always aware of its presence.

He was betrayed by a colleague and the ethics council had rescinded his licence to work in the field of genetics.

And they said he was mad!


However, it wouldn’t have worked without the new type of incubator.

That was the key in all of this.

It was a cultural womb.

That was his breakthrough discovery.

Dodgy DNA just wasn’t going to make what he imagined.

The carefully selected genetics weren’t enough to fashion this creature.

His creature!

The music of Ulster flute bands was piped into the sealed unit.

He knew this could cause hearing damage, but it wasn’t in his plan that this creature would do much listening anyway.

Contained within this artificial womb he would nurture his baby Billy Boy.

Struth pumped in a unique food supply comprised of cheap lager and liquidised burgers.

Growth would be rapid due to the infusion of more steroids than in the Loyalist wings at Long Kesh.

It was important that no intellectual distraction or moral dilemma be allowed to contaminate the controlled environment.

The creature would come ready made with a series of responses that would appear inexplicable to ordinary humans.

The thing was shown images of Catholics Schools, Priests, Celtic, but most of all NEIL LENNON!

Each time an electric shock would be administered.

Concepts like tolerance, pluralism, and a benevolent curiosity in other people and other cultures would be anathema to this creation.

He knew his creature would be perfect.

This one was a prototype, but it could be programmed to hate any ethnic minority they just had to change the toxic mix in the incubator.

Soon he would have a modern production facility capable of churning out thousands of them.



Once cloned his beast could be exported to any regime that wanted to inflict chaos on a neighbour.

This was a truly horrible weapons system.

Sending several thousands of these hybrids into a city would paralyse it for days.

Suddenly and without warning policemen would be attacked for no discernible reason and normal riot control methods wouldn’t work.

Rubber bullets would simply be lost in the rolls of blubber.

The creature had been designed to have wrists so fat that they would be too thick for a regulation police handcuffs.

Even police dogs would contract diseases if they got their teeth into them.

The creature was also a platform for chemical warfare.

It had urine that was so toxic that when deployed in public places, like war memorials, it could spoil an entire city.

Struth had a contact in the Spanish interior ministry who wanted to stage a riot control exercise and use the system in Barcelona.

The professor was convinced that when it came to asymmetrical warfare his creature would have no equal.

The illiterate, drunken, urinating brain dead rioter would define urban combat in the 21st century.

In the age of the smart bomb his creature would now allow a commander to deploy weapons grade stupidity onto the modern battle space.

The thing had a microchip inserted into the back of its thick neck.

This meant that a rudimentary message could be sent at the same time to thousands of them

The communication could not be complex, but basic information could be processed.

This allowed many of them to be deployed using simple commands from one person of only average intelligence.

It was perfect!

The Hybrid Unique Networked System would make Struth famous.

Due to a lack of funds the professor had been forced to adapt a large wheelie bin, but it did the job.

To keep out the outside world he was forced to wrap the incubator in bin bags, the umbilical cord the exhaust pipe from an old ford transit.

The pygmies at the university had cut his funding, but he would show them!


Once this creature would be seen in action then the contracts and the orders would roll in.

It was now time, because if he left it in there any longer then the creature would be too big to get out of the incubator.

Using a block and tackle on the roof he pulled on the rope.

The plastic womb was tipped over, the bin bags were split open and sludge ran out all over the garage floor.

The huge creature was revealed to the world and it rolled out and rolled and rolled.

It was only stopped by the garage wall and it started to stumble to its feet.

Agility and grace was not part of the design specification of Struth’s creature.

The huge hulking abomination then stumbled towards the professor.

It opened its large mouth and the smell hit the scientist like a slap.

Struth stared and trembled slightly in awe of what he had created.

Finally it spoke:

“We are the people!”

Leave a Reply