First of all everything is ok.
There is absolutely nothing to worry about.
Now I’m sketchy on the precise details at the moment, but the very helpful Press Release I have just been helpfully supplied with tells me everything I need to tell you.
Did I say that there was nothing to worry about?
Oh good, because there isn’t.
Anything to worry about that is.
I can exclusively reveal that the mere presence of ‘Real Rangers Men’ at Ibrox on Friday created a fankle in the Fitba Space Time Continuum.
The business side of Rainjurrz is now cash flow positive.
This financial stuff is important for the Holding Company Vehicle although the club was always perfectly fine.
Contracts that had been characterised as “onerous” by Mr Graham Wallace in April last year have disappeared.
The Holding Company Vehicle does not have to part with any cash that it does not have for stuff that isn’t really being done.
The merchandising deal with Sports Direct is the most lucrative deal ever for any Holding Company Vehicle.
Rangers Retail Limited is now a wholly owned subsidiary of The Rainjurrz.
If any of you see a big Sports Direct lorry outside of the holy place on Edmiston Drive then that is actually cash in transit.
That is Ashley just settling his bill.
For every Fiver you spend in the megastore then he has to give us a Tenner.
Mr Leach and Mr Llambias will not be owed any severance payments if their employment is terminated.
Now if you read anything to the contrary then it certainly didn’t come from me or this excellent Press Release.
For example if you see any of the following then do not believe it as it is pish:
The current board of Rangers International Football club have been frantically trying to make contact with Mr Mike Ashley since the week end.
Also if you read that the current board of RIFC pay the £5m owed to Sports Direct then they will struggle to fund the operation going forward.
I know this because it isn’t on this brilliantly written Press Release which works for me on several levels and I would be lost without it.
In fact if I didn’t get these Press Releases on a regular basis I would be worried.
It is good to know what is really going on after all.